August 16…

Happy day!

Still here!

I am still here, working on a long post about all we have been up to the last few weeks. Baby Echols is doing great, everything is on track and we are more excited and blessed than ever!!

And, because I have neglected my blog I will leave you with this vintage picture of us, it was taken in 2002 right after we met. We were on our way to a Karaoke night. When we got there the karaoke bar had closed and moved. So we were dressed up with nothing to do!

Take every part of me.

It is Monday and NIAW

It is National Infertility Awareness Week this week. It may seem like it is a strange things to have a whole week dedicated to, but it is true that more people deal with this than you may realize and it seem like there is some kind of social taboo in talking about it.
Do not be afraid this is not going to turn into an infertility blog, or a personal soapbox for me to talk about all things infertility, but I do want to take some time this week to talk about something that is very real and very painful. So this week there will be a few posts dealing specifically with infertility.
I want to begin with a post today about what it feels like to be infertile. I was thinking about this a week or so ago when we were standing at the airport waiting to pick up Mark. There were people all around us waiting for their loved ones to show up. I think infertility is like that.


It is like we are standing at the arrival gate at an airport. All around us our friends, families and even other strangers are standing. We are all eagerly waiting for our family to arrive. At the start we are waiting, excited but not yet anxious. Some people start coming out of the gate there are tearful reunions around us, hugs and “I love you’s” fill the airport. 
Those people begin to leave, and the crowd is thinning out a little. David and I are still waiting, we know that our family has be coming out soon. The doors keep opening, more people spill out, more tears and hugs and I love yous. 
Families are made whole and then they leave together. 
We stand there as our friends, family, and even random strangers around us, find the loved ones they are waiting for. Of course we are happy for them, we may even take time to welcome their loved ones while we wait for our arrival, but in the end they move on and we continue to wait.

Pretty soon the crowd is beginning to thin out, at this point some worry begins to creep in. Is everything ok? Is our loved one on the way? Will our family be whole soon??  We continue to wait, and wait and wait. Before we know it, the planes are all empty, the people around us all have the ones they love in their arms, and we are all that is left.

We are standing alone in the airport with no one left to get off the plane.


After a while some more friends or family may show up, they are there to pick up even more family. Sure enough their second set of people arrive while we are still waiting for our precious cargo. 

We are left standing utterly alone in a crowd full of celebrating and complete families. 

The frantic desperation may make us run around looking for answers. We may fork over large amounts of cash in hopes of ensuring that our family will make it on the next flight, only to be crushed when once again we are left standing alone with no one to welcome. Our friends and family may try to tell us things to make us fell better, but in the end there is nothing that can be said or done that can fully take away the hurt or confusion. 

In the past few weeks I have been taking time out of my day specifically to search the scriptures on passages about infertility and family. I have found many verses, and more women in the Bible dealt with this than I first realized. I have to admit the I have never read through the book of Psalms, so I made it my project over this break, and I have found so much comfort there! One day last week I was feeling especially low and left behind. I opened my Bible to a random Psalm while in my heart crying out for God to hear my prayer. My eyes fell on Psalm 73.

Today it has been two years.

I have been going back and forth on posting about this. David and I are very private people, and writing about our struggles to have a child has been difficult for both of us, but also good as more people are praying. We also have received beautiful encouraging e-mails from many of you! Thank you all for that.
Today is the two year anniversary of when we decided it was time to start trying for a family. We sat in a little restaurant in Moberly, we were both so excited. When we were juniors in college we considered letting me drop out so that we could begin a family, but had decided against that as we had less than two years left. That day we were a couple of months away from graduating, we had a long discussion on whether I would be able to keep up my G.P.A while dealing with morning sickness. We were so naive!
We both cried, sitting in that restaurant. Our hearts soared as we walked out of the restaurant, we talked for weeks about baby names and how we would have to spend our furlough so that our families could see our beautiful child. It was a dreamy and blissful time.
Now as I sit here it is difficult to explain what it feels like to have such a deep and personal aching. The pain is not only there when we think about the baby we have never held. But also when we see parents with their teenagers, proud moments at graduations, and people who have more kids than they know what to do with.
In the past two years we have endured endless questions on why we do not have kids yes. It feels so strange that it is an acceptable thing to ask in our society today, but it is! Everyone has had an opinion on when we should have kids! We decided to let a few people in on our struggles, hoping that it would stop the awkward and heart wrenching questions. BUT telling people that you are having trouble opens an entire different floodgate of painful questions and unhelpful advice.
I thought I could take today to write about some of the ways that you may be able to reach out and help someone in your life who may be struggling with infertility. I have taken these suggestions from resolve.org a national infertility support site. So here goes:

1. Telling them to relax.
This may seem harmless enough, but it is a kick in the stomach to anyone with infertility. IF is a diagnosed medical problem. It would be like telling someone who has cancer to relax and then they will get better. It also puts stress on the couple, especially the woman, making her feel that she is doing something wrong. I cannot tell you how many people have told me to relax, and it is absolutely true that it makes you feel like it is your fault. Also there are many people who get pregnant in extremely stressful situations (such as rape), so there you have it boys and girls, relaxing will not get you pregnant! 🙂

2. Don’t tell them to adopt to get pregnant.
This one baffles me the most. I have been told countless times in the last two years to adopt a child and then I would get pregnant. I have even been told, and I quote, “when you adopt, and you hold that baby for the first time the feeling of holding a child will make the hormones in your body pump out correctly and you will get pregnant right away.”
I had to smile and nod, even though it was terribly awkward to hear this guy talk about my hormones, and painful to hear.
And here is what I find wrong with being told that. Would the adopted child then be sent back once it magically made us conceive our own child? I cannot understand the motivation behind this one, but you would be surprised at how many times I have been told this.
Also everyone might think they know someone who this happened to. (Like the mailman’s cousin’s best friend’s visiting exchange student’s great aunt twelve times removed.) However the true statistic is that only five percent of couple who adopt then have natural pregnancies.

3. Don’t push adoption.
Infertility is like losing a loved one. Every month there is hope and joy and expectation, and then also pain and disappointment and crushing feeling of loss. Before a couple is ready to move to adoption they have to grieve the loss of their own child. I always dreamed that our baby would have my nose and David’s green eyes. I have to let that go first. Does that make sense?
Furthermore, adoption is very very expensive and it is very long process.

4. Don’t gossip about you friend’s condition.
I have had people who knew nothing about what was going on with us come up and ask specifics about what so and so doctor had said. Things I had only shared with a couple of people. It is absolutely terrifying to think that people are out there discussing such our reproductive lives!!! I know this may seem like a strange thing for me to write about on my PUBLIC blog, but there are many thing that are kept private. Respect your friend’s privacy.

5. Don’t make crude remarks.
I think the title here says it all. The personal details are personal, don’t make jokes about them.

6. Don’t complain about your pregnancy.
I am not sure what else to write here. Just remember that there are some who would give anything to have your morning sickness if it meant they had a baby to take home in the end. Also, there are many other people who are not infertile that you can complain to. Be sensitive to your friend, if they make an excuse to not be at your baby shower don’t push it (and don’t expect them to throw you a shower either 🙂 ).

7. I also have heard many things about infertility and ministry. Or shall I say fertility and ministry. We were once told that a couple without children are not as effective as a couple with children when doing ministry in Africa.I cried for weeks after I was told that. The person who said it had no idea what we were going through. It was a sucker punch!
We are thriving here now tough, and we are able to reach out to other who have the same struggles. I am thinking about finding out whether the missionary convention can do a workshop on fertility in ministry, and if not then maybe leading one.
I think it is something that needs to be addressed in the church. More couples out there have this than we realize and most of the support I have found has come from outside the church and from non-Christians.

8. Remember them on mother’s day.
Enough said.

9.Don’t say they are not meant to be parents.
Infertility is a medical condition, not a punishment from God. I have been told that I must have some hidden sin in my life and thus the IF.

If you have made it this far you deserve a cookie. I cannot give you one over the internet, so I shall wait while you go to your kitchen and get yourself one…………………………………………………………………..

I would not trade our day in the restaurant two years ago for anything. Those first few months of daydreaming and bliss are something that we cherish and hold on to. I told someone this past week that I am not sure that having our own child would ever heal the hurt that we have felt in the last two years completely. I think that whatever the outcome we have been though fire and we will come out stronger on the other side.
This verse has become a daily motto for me: Psalm 30:5 “Though the weeping will last through the night, joy comes in the morning.” We do wish we knew what time of night it was, but we hold on to the promises God has given us in scripture. And we begin our days with anticipation for what God has in store for us. We have learned that one cannot always know what God is doing in a situation until it has passed and you can look back.
God is good!

HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

So we had a kind of rough day and decided that we would go out to dinner, to Marua mall. We parked where we did last time, you know, that time the car died and it rained really hard?! So we double checked to make sure all the lights were turned off, and they were.
We enjoyed a good dinner, with commentary from an “Olive Oil for hair” campaign that was going on across the mall.

After the dinner it started raining softly as we walked to the car and got it.
David turned the key, and all we heard was a faint clicking sound. And then the lightning flashed and the rain started to pour out in buckets again!!
David worked on the battery for a little while, it seems we have a bad connection, but to no avail. We asked some people who were parked close to us for a jump, they came over and gave us the jump,  but alas once again the car was deader than a door knob.

They left, after the obligatory sheepish looks, and the rain started to come down harder.

At this point David’s teeth started chattering from the cold, so he did what anyone would do, he started knocking on different things in the engine with a metal tool, from his toolbox (this is key later in the story), and it worked…a little bit.

We were then able to turn on the dash lights! It was like a sad, cold, and wet Christmas 🙂
David decided that perhaps a jump start would work now, so he walked in the rain to the front of the mall door to ambush people as they walked out. EVERY SINGLE person said no! It was absolutely ridiculous. David even told them they would not even have to get out of their cars, he would do it all. It was a sad day for Namibian reputations. Some people even refused to make eye contact with him.
So we did what we had to. We called Adam. Again. (At this point our heads are hanging in shame).
He agreed to come out immediately (like he always does, so helpful!).

THEN someone actually agreed to help us! It was a man on a roadtrip, he actually had a reason to say no! He also had his lady friend with him, in hindsight I think perhaps he said yes so that he could impress her.
AND it worked! The car jumped to life (we are considering renaming it Lazarus), and we could finally get home.
We drove out of the parking lot (after calling Adam and sharing our fantastic news) high on life! It was a great feeling!
But alas, as we turned the corner we heard a strange sound, it sounded like an open toolbox that had been used to try and revive a dead battery and then had been placed on the roof of the car in a hurry hitting the wet road, a very strange sound to hear. But then David stopped and we looked back on the dark shiny road, and there in the dark lay our toolbox, splayed open with rivets and wrenches and screwdrivers and screws littering the street.
So we did what anyone would do, we abandoned our car and ran to the tools like crazy people.
There we were crawling around on the street, in the dark, in the pouring rain, looking for lost nails and abandoned hammers.
It was quite hilarious.
Then a man drives up and is so nice that he shines his headlights on the street for us, and then leans out of his window to point at lost tools while honking his horn to alert us to the whereabouts of our tools. Really helpful, especially the honking was helpful.

So I don’t know if I have told you guys about our South African anti-hijacking alarm system. But we have one that will start to bleep for 90 seconds to warn the hijaker and then it will cut the power to the car if the car is ever hijaked.

So as we are crawling around with Helpful Henry honking his horn at us the alarm starts to bleep. Now we know if we don’t get to the car in time the engine will cut out and we will be back to square one, except this time square one will be in a dark alley rather than a lighted parking lot.
So David looks at me with panic written all over his face. He yells grab these and throws the tools in my direction, then he kicks off his shoes is wreck-less abandon and takes off down the street towards our car. 
Picture this, you come up to a couple crawling in the road, you figure out that they are looking for shiny pieces of metal so you give them a hand, all of a sudden the guy jumps up thrusts mangled tools in the woman’s hands and runs away like a crazy person.
I do wish I had the ability to read minds, so that I could know what Helpful Henry thought at that point. Perhaps he thought that David was a thief and was trying to get away, or that he had the sudden urge to go to the bathroom! I of course am cracking up at this point, so yes, we look like two complete nutters.
I am sure we will now meet Helpful Henry in the next week. He will either be a government official or the pastor of a church, and he will recommend counseling to us 🙂

David’s mad dash did pay off though, he got to the car in a nick of time! We drove home, and now we are trying to get warmed up again.
HAPPY ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO US!

Thankfully our home was not flooded when we got home. Here is a picture of David, he is soaked through.

Happy 21st Birthday Namibia!!!

Today Namibia is celebrating it’s twenty first independence day. Namibia has made great strides since gaining independence. It is politically stable, the economy is growing, there is no war or rumor of war in the country, most of the citizens are relatively happy, and it is an example to other African nations in race relations. We are absolutely blessed to be living in Namibia, and it is evident that God has big plans for the people of this nation. Please take a moment to day and pray for Namibia, for the next 21 years, and for the people of Namibia!

So today I am thankful for:

#27: Namibia, the beautiful country that we call home.

#28: Health. Since the fourteenth of February I have been trying to do at least one cardio activity each day, and I have been watching what I eat. Recently (and by dr’s orders) I have switched to a low GI diet. I have dropped 13 pounds and at least one dress size! I can feel my body getting healthier, my lung capacity is improving, and I hardly ever have asthma attacks now. I can really see a difference in my overall health!! Just post a question if you are interested in what I am eating or in what a low GI diet is.

#29: One of one time with the kids. In the last few weeks some of the older kids at school have taken to coming into David’s office to just hang out. It has been so nice to get to know the kids more in an out of class setting. I think we have lost that as we now are so busy teaching and working on getting the school to run smoothly. We will have some of the girls over for a sleep over this next weekend. Pray for them!!

#30: Sugar-free chocolate mousse. I have found the most delicious sugar free chocolate mousse packets here. Being low GI is not that bad thanks to these little envelopes of deliciousness.

#31: Today I am thankful for David Echols. We have had a rough couple of weeks. We spent an evening with some friends and their two babies. At one point the women left to go and breast feed. In that moment I felt more defective, and heartbroken than I ever have. They then came back into the room and talked for a long time about how great it is to have children, and the new things that their kids were learning, and how their lives are now different. It was a long painful night, but David was there to squeeze my hand and hold me when we got home. IF is a long, lonely and painful journey, but I have the most supportive and amazing man next to me, holding me up when I am ready to fold.

#32: Butterflies! This is a little weird, but in Science class I showed a you tube clip of the metamorphosis of a butterfly. It was amazing and hilarious to watch the kid’s faces and reactions. They were absolutely shocked! I heard whispers of “I don’t believe it! I can’t believe it!” It was a great reminded of the awe that there is in creation. To see the innocence on their faces as they discovered what God had placed on the earth for them was magical.
I think sometimes we all need to take a step back and remember the goodness of God, and we should do it with the attitude of a seven year old discovering a butterfly for the first time!

#33: The students in grade 6 and 7 who have showed interest in becoming Christians. I feel like we have a long journey with them. It is difficult, some of them have already changed their minds. We are trying to make sure the kids who are ready, and ready for the right reasons, and not just because their friends are, or because they think we may give them something. One of the kids actually said “They are going to get sweets and ice cream now because they want to be Christians” We are not sure where the kids come up with some of their ideas.

#34: My mom. Last week I got a text from my dad at 9:30 pm. It read  ” I am at the ER, your mom totaled her car.” I called immediately and he was unable to tell me much, just that they were checking her for a broken neck and pelvis. I was a wreck after that. I was freaking out, and every time I tried to call after that the connection was so bad I only caught parts of words. It was terrifying. I was getting ready to book a flight down there when my mom called me. She said she was being released and that no bones had been broken, but that she was bruised from head to toe, and she would need extensive physical therapy. I ugly cried after wards, when I thought about what could have happened. She was hit by a drunk driver in the passenger side. My mom said if you see the car you would be amazed that anyone walked away from the wreck.
Thank you so much to everyone who prayed with me and to all who sent messages of encouragement while I had no idea what was going on. God is good!!

#35: The sacrifice of Christ. In Colossians chapter one there is an epic passage about Christ, about who He is, about what He did for mankind. Take time today and go read it. You will not be dissapointed! Colossians 1: 15-23

Grace flows down.

It is the long weekend.

Finally the long weekend is here. We are off to Swakopmund with the Wright’s and with Marye. This is a long awaited weekend of relaxation and rejuvenation. The weather at the coast is perfect right now! We are staying at a Finnish missionary house, which also happens to be right on the beach! This break is coming at the exact right time, it has been a crazy busy and exhausting few weeks.
We plan on having devotions on the beach, and on spending time quietly seeking God.

We hope you have a fantastic weekend!!

Love,
The Echols